How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

I am careering towards my 45 birthday at the speed of, well at the speed of a woman who doesn’t want to turn 45 actually. It feels like a milestone, not necessarily in a bad way, but it’s got my mind a whirring.

On the plus side getting older has brought about some positive changes in my life. Firstly I’ve taken the plunge into the world of study and I’m a fair way into studying for my degree for one. Secondly I have acknowledged that my BMI is my responsibility and that those things that sit quietly in the corner of my bathroom are scales. OK these are maybe not huge changes, but I’m getting there.

I notice that strange things have also crept into my life – when squinting in the sun the wrinkles around my eyes don’t disappear when I stop squinting. I can’t read the small print (or even some of the bigger print) without my glasses and my idea of a fabulous pair of shoes are ones that are comfortable to walk in. Life is, as they say, too short to wear shoes that hurt. Oh and toenails, why are mine older than the rest of my body and now require to be cut with a tool that is more like a surgical instrument than nail-clippers?

Of course there is also the media and it’s constant bombardment of images of shiny happy (and usually young) women who all look fabulous. This isn’t such a hurdle in my life if I’m honest. I have no drive to look fabulous and I’m comfortable with the mixture of clothes I’ve lovingly gathered over the years. I don’t feel pressured into, and neither can I afford, to follow the latest fashion trend, instead finding myself more excited (and comfortable) with a rummage through the charity shops than a shopping trip to Harvey Nichols. It seems that my love of second-hand has stayed with me since I was a teenager and I’m thrilled to note that my preferred choice of clothing is now referred to as ‘vintage’. So on the ‘what to wear front’ I’m pretty sorted. Of course getting older does mean that there are increasing things you just can’t get away with wearing any more – which begs the question why, when I was younger and thinner did I bother wearing baggy clothes?

I guess part of the milestone of turning 45 means that I know that there are things around the corner that will find their way into my life. The menopause for example. Will my husband be able to cope when he finds his wife trying to climb into the fridge in the middle of the night? Will I become one of those women who thinks it’s a good idea to start making clothing out of the curtains?

I can say with all honesty that I have no desire to turn back the clock and reclaim my youth but if I’m honest turning 45 makes me think about how I will handle this stuff. Yes I can look at the positive and see ageing as a process of continual personal development and fully embrace what is in store for me. If getting older means that I acquire the ability to see the bigger picture rather that the everyday chaos – then bring it on. I suspect however it just ain’t that straightforward.

A recent article I read described women in their 40’s as unstoppable strivers; in their 50’s self-assured risk takers and in their 60’s and 70’s unflagging optimists. If I didn’t know what age I was I don’t know that I would say that I was 45 but I would tell you that I’m a self assured unstoppable optimist striving to take risks!