Where’s the emergency shut off when you need it?

My husband and I hit the town on Saturday – well our version of hitting the town.  Normally this conjures up images of swanky nightclubs and folk in their bling and killer heels.  Our version of hitting the town is in broad daylight on a Saturday while we ponder where we are going to go for coffee and a blether.  It is the highlight of my week because it means I get my husband all to myself.

Anyway coffee over we split up and do a bit of shopping. Christmas it seems has arrived and our normally fairly quiet shopping centre was buzzing with shoppers and Christmas decorations.  In the crush, just as I was about to be run down by a stressed out mum, I thought I would dodge out of her way by jumping onto the escalator.  The poor woman was not only trying to manoeuvre a pram through the crowds, but negotiate her way out of the full-scale temper tantrum planned by the toddler refusing to hold her hand.

Watching all this, and feeling really sorry for her, I misjudged the speed and distance of the escalator and almost landed in a heap.  I quickly recovered my composure but this prompted a terrible flashback. A memory that still haunts me today (but makes my son Spencer laugh so much that he cries).

To tell this story I have to take you back to the time I was a single parent. Spencer and I were getting used to it being ‘just the two of us’. One day, fuelled on by my confidence and independence, I decided to plan a holiday.  It would in fact be our first holiday since I had boarded the one way flight to Planet Divorce. In my case the co-ordinates for Planet Divorce had not been punched into the flight programme thingy. Alas I was, for some considerable time, destined to fly about in crazy randomness.  So yes, a holiday seemed to be a welcome distraction.

The holiday was a success however whilst we were travelling back the ‘incident, which was destined to return as a terrible flashback, occurred.

As my son was only small it was my task when travelling to both look after him and to deal with the luggage. I had one of those pull along bags (which was rather large and heavy) and I also had a rather large and heavy rucksack on my back. Despite feeling a bit like a Sherpa I’d figured this would be the best way to manage things and it had actually worked fine.  Now it just so happened that our return travel meant that we had to catch a train in Birmingham. Arriving in the station could only be described by one word – ‘chaos’.

Making my way through the busy station with my huge pull along bag, rucksack and over-tired child was no mean feat. People were pushing as we tried to head towards an incredibly long escalator. I was struggling to manage our bags and keep an eye on my son so suggested he walked in front of me.  I figured at least that way I could see him and make sure he was OK on the escalator. We both managed to squeeze on and up we went. Behind me I could hear rugby chants. A whole rugby team had got on the escalator and they were in fine form.  That’s when it happened…..

As I reached about half way up the escalator crammed with people the weight of my rucksack started to pull me backwards – I was powerless to do anything and back I went quite unceremoniously. With my son looking down on me I created a domino effect on the escalator and, starting with the rugby team, everybody began to buckle under the weight.

No lives were lost in the telling of this story

Panic ensued.  I can remember lying there seeing my son desperately shouting and crying as he looked on at the chaos I had caused.

I never did quite manage to get to my feet properly from this rugby escalator scrum. In the end everybody just sort of spilled out onto the floor when they reached the top and scrambled to their feet.

The rugby team, bless them, were drunk and thought it was a right good laugh took it in good humour. Someone kindly helped me to my feet and located my bag. There were however a few people who shot me nasty glances and commented, in less than favourable terms, in my general direction. Although I confess to being totally responsible for the whole thing it’s not in my nature to stand out in a crowd.  But stand out I did, and then some.

Surely they realised that if I'd wanted to be the centre of attention I could have done my amazing escalator party trick for them!

It’s kind of hard to pick yourself up from such a bizarre experience and just get on with things. You just can’t act like everything is normal when you’ve taken out a whole escalator.  Spencer was fine and I had no injuries as such.’What happened Mum?’ my son asked with tears in his eyes as I sat there breathless and rather undignified trying to compose myself.

I don’t know what came over me but as I started to explain what had actually happened and why I began to laugh. I mean really laugh.  Tears were rolling down my face as I heard the absurdity of the story I was reliving. My whole body ached with laughter. By this time Spencer had joined in and there the two of us sat on our bags in the middle of the busy station laughing our heads off.

To this day when I get on to an escalator with him he makes me hold onto the rail.

What embarrassing moments have you had?