My mojo is officially back!

Have had a bit of a study epiphany moment.  Much welcome I might add.  My assignment is done, in and being graded as we speak. Whew!

Interestingly the process of writing this first assignment, for what is now my third module in my degree, has helped things fall into place.  Reflecting on this I considered why, when I was managing the reading and researching fine, was getting down to writing this assignment such a challenge for me?  What I realised is that for me (the student me) it is necessary not just to have the information in my head but to have some kind of structure to it.  I didn’t have that but that is what writing this assignment gave me  an order to manage what I was learning.

I will confess that much of what I’m learning isn’t really new to me.  Part of the reason I’m going for this degree is to validate what I’ve already done and know (yes I know I should have done it years ago).  That however is not to say that it is not a challenge, because as all students know, it’s not enough just to know the stuff, you have to be able to present it in such a way that others know that you know it – be it in an assignment, or in an exam.

So yes I’ve been floating about in a wilderness of information and it reminded me of ‘that feeling’ you get when you start something new, be it a new job, or embarking on being a mum, or learning how to knit or cook.  You know the feeling, your kind of floating along for a while and then one day you just realise that you are actually doing it with a level of competence.

I remember when my son was born, and like all new mums I was going through the motions trying to be a good mum.  Sure there were the sleepless nights, the days when I didn’t seem to be able to manage to get dressed in anything that resembled matching clothes whilst all the time the house always seemed to look like a bomb site.  Then one day standing at the cooker stirring a pan with my son balanced on my hip (while I sorted out the car insurance on the phone) I realised I wasn’t just learning to be a mum – I was a mum.  Hey I was even a multi-tasking mum!

And so it has been with my studies.  I fully expected to embark on this next module and just float into it.  That didn’t happen and if I’m honest it scared me a bit and I had to wait for that feeling to settle.  Then, finally, I got that feeling that I am actually doing it.

So, like me the multi-tasking mum, I am now back to being a multi-tasking student.  Oh you might see me standing at the cooker making pancakes but in my head I’m thinking about how hacked off I am that the consumerist/managerialist approach to involving service users in developing care services is often the preferred approach.  Why so when in reality the demographic approach, aligned with the social model of health, offers more potential in influencing positive direct change within the lives of individuals.  So while I’m mumbling about the importance of collective and individual action – even if I don’t figure it out I always have the bonus of some lovely pancakes to comfort me.

So I’m back to being a student who wants to change the world, or at least positively influence a care system that continues to struggle along.  I want to stop seeing headlines that tell me people are not only receiving sub-standard care in their homes but that even basic levels of dignity are not being afforded them.  I want to stop hearing sound bites where government ministers tell me (a carer – and often a struggling one at that) that services need to be streamlined to become more effective – knowing full well that this simply translates as ‘we’re going to cut the budgets’. I want, I want …….I could go on but you get my drift I’m sure.

So yes, I’ve got my study mojo back and I feel empowered to get through this module and aim for the best grade I can.  Reading other student blogs like PhD Pimpernel, Studying Parent and Old Girl at Uni to name but a few, have helped re-affirmed and re-ignited my passion for study (I know some folks from the OU site pop in to read my blog – you should check out these other student blogs).  I don’t just want to achieve my degree I want to take this thing as far as I can.  Whether I am able to do that or not I don’t know.  But I do know this – it’s going to be one hell of a journey.  This mature student is definitely hanging in there – and then some.

Groovy Baby........ you've got your mojo back!

Thanks for sticking with me.