A strange day of memories
They say you should write about what you know. Over the months, throughout the process of writing my wee blog each day, I’ve come to appreciate both how important and how difficult it is to write from your inner core. That’s where my stories are you see and that is where ‘Departures’ came from – quite an innocent little story really. However, when I first posted it I will confess I wasn’t brave enough to say what it was about (although I did go back and add a little note one day). It was about my Dad.
Today is my Dad’s 70th birthday. I have no idea where he is, if he is well, or even if he is still alive. He’s my missing person. Although there is great sadness in this I’m not entirely unhappy that his chaoticness (the red line under the word tells me it’s not a real word, but hell it fits to me) is not part of my life. I guess it’s natural to sometimes to wonder though.
I’ve always thought it is such a waste when families become disjointed and people drift out of lives. Surely there must be a way; to try harder, to find the fix? Of course I realise this is a simplistic view on what can be complex and challenging issues.
So come full circle and I understand that sometimes there is nothing you can do to change it. I also accept that sometimes people just drift away.
Music can often evoke powerful memories. I used to find this piece hard to listen to. I remember dad playing it when I was younger and in later years it made me feel mighty pissed of whenever I heard it. Not now though. My son recently discovered Simon and Garfunkel and plays it all the time.
I can listen to it now and sing along – progress is a wonderful thing, time is a great healer and reality is a wonderful leveller. So wherever you are, this is for you.
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Love that song. Brings back lots of memories.
Happy Birthday to your Dad wherever he is
Hugs
xxx
Thank you Caroline – it certainly is a fab song with lovely memories for me too.
This is a very moving piece, Jacqueline. I am glad you can listen to Simon and Garfunkel again and touched that it has been restored to you through your son. Thank you for sharing this.
Joanna it’s lovely that this wonderful song has been returned to me through my son.
This is a good post, it is deep. Yes, it is difficult to display what is in the deepest place of our heart. It is nice your son plays what your father was used to play. It s like being in family, all together.
robert
Robert, thank you for your lovely comment. It is quite a powerful experience to write from the heart.
If someone is in your head, they exist. You are most likely as much in his head as he is in yours. People drift away and they often drift back. Meanwhile it is lovely that you can write and share your feelings so well. Lots of love xx
Thank you Lynda. I think I’ve come to feel more comfortable with the strangeness of the situation.
Hi – I don’t think it’s a strange situation. I haven’t seen my father for over twenty years, and I haven’t spoken to him for about 15. I left the ball in his court – after many unsatisfactory phone calls, I gave him my phone number, and told him to ring me if he wanted to. He hasn’t.
Why should we feel uncomfortable about the situation? It’s just the way that it is, and while I feel for you with every fibre of my being, I also wish you strength.
Here’s to acceptance, and to celebrating what we have.
OG
Thank you OG – your story sounds very familiar. I guess sometimes we may never understand the choices people make but I’m certainly all for acceptance and celebrating what we have.
Thanks for sharing this. If it’s any consolation, I used to wish my alcoholic dad would go away and never come back. He never did. It is what it is.
Yes Pat, I guess we all have family stuff that we have tucked away in our memories.
I had a missing dad, but I kind of knew where he was–not alive. That didn’t make missing him any easier, but the wondering about his whereabouts wasn’t an issue. We all have our family trials, don’t we?
I appreciate from reading your blog the trials your experience brought you. I guess you’re right though we ALL have family trials. Thank you Lorna.
As your father celebrates his 70th birthday he may also be thinking about you with a feeling of regret…
Wonderfully written. I too think this is one thought provoking wonderful song. I love it but it can be hard to listen to in certain emotional states.
Where family is concerned, whatever happens they remain family. As with friends, sometimes you outgrow each other. Different choices and paths in life make that changes in relationships happen. With family you may be willing to try harder than with friends to hold on to what you have in common, but sometimes you simply can’t.
Thank you Gilraen, what a thought provoking comment.
What a tough thing to be living with Jacqueline. And seen from the outside, how selfish of your dad. Glad you seem to have some good memories of him too…x
Yes it is a bit of a shadow in my life. I read recently that if you let something go and it comes back to you it’s yours, but he never did. Strange – and sometimes I could really do with a Dad.