And the challenge ….
……. should you choose to accept it, is trying to balance study and life.
There, I’ve said it. Why? Well because it seems to be a bit of a struggle for me at the moment so I thought I would write this post in the hope of sorting things out in my head and also, if I’m lucky, get some tips from my fellow bloggers out there who also juggle study.
What I’ve discovered is that life can be unpredictable. OK I work full time, but I’m also a mum and a wife and for any of you with a family you will know that the ebb and flow of family life is not as predictable as the tides. What IS predictable are my studies. I have a timetable to follow, dates for assignments to be lodged and exam to sit. Regardless of what is going on in life this timetable doesn’t deviate. So how do you balance the predictable with the unpredictable?
Family Matters
I’ve noticed that as I progress through my studies, particularly when I’m preparing and writing an essay to be graded, it takes up residence in my head. I wake up in the morning thinking about it and it lives with me until I submit it. It’s during these times that I’ve noticed that I find it hardest to juggle family life. It is less to do with time management and more to do with managing thinking space in my head. Does that make any sense?
I wish.....
So that’s my quandary folks. How do you balance things? Am I missing something?
I know from reading all your blogs that you’re all busy out there but if anyone has the time to wing by and pass on their wisdom I’d really appreciate it 
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For me balance means also allowing “me” time. It helps clearing my mind and with it it makes space to refocus and better management of all duties.
Another thing that helps is to say no, my plate is full and ask for help (as you do now) from people surrounding me. Pinpointing where and how the stress levels hit the roof has given my SO insight and tools to deal with it. He takes over tasks as needed and hands them back when I can handle them again – this happens both ways. It can be as simple as taking over cooking for a few days so I can do what I need to do in that precious bit of time.
Another thing that helps me is yoga (part of the “me” time) It is the thing that I start with. Just 15-20 minutes unadulterated for me. Part of it is a short meditation Just to clear my mind. The important surfaces first again. In order to get it going I had to get up earlier but for me it has been worth it.
This is how it works for me most of the time and I too fall off the bandwagon when things are too much to keep up. Everybody is different so it may not work for you, but I hope it give you an idea.
Thank you Gilraen this makes a lot of sense. It’s also nice to know that I’m not the only one that falls of the bandwagon. Thanks for passing on your wisdom, it’s much appreciated.
I have tried to make peace with this by reminding myself that life is cyclical. Sometimes, the family is first and foremost, sometimes, it has to be my health, sometimes, it has to be the work. If I have a paper due, I keep it tucked in my head and pull i out when I’m driving, or waiting somewhere, and think about it and read towards it when I can, maybe jot some notes. Then I take a big chunk of time and do the first draft. I’m not available to my family during that time. But then, they don’t NEED me all the time. I had to get past my own feelings of guilt, there. They are perfectly capable at this point of entertaining themselves for a day or two, getting snacks, and so forth. We’re a family. That means that all of us need to work together to make sure all of us get what we need. I get a turn there, too. For a long time, I didn’t think that and was overwhelmed and consumed with guilt because I wasn’t sacrificing myself on the Mommy altar. But then I realized, Daddy wasn’t nearly as worried about it as I was, nor was he doing as much around the house regularly as I was. Now it’s normal for him to take a weekend day, and sometimes both, while I write.And everyone’s happier when I get those stinking voices out of my head!
) When the piece is done, or the draft is done, I make it a point to stop and spend super quality time with them, and that’s very speci
special to all of us (sorry, my computer is slower than my hands! lol
Thank you for this. It makes a lot of sense. Like you I’m quite good at keeping what I’m working tucked into my head and working on it. This morning for example I walked to work because I needed the time and space to think about my writing – this kind of multi-tasking works for me. It’ interesting to think of family life as being cyclical. I think part of my struggle at the moment is that I’m the mum to a teenager and there’s lots of emotional stuff floating around. I find it hard, and I feel guilty, about putting that kind of family stuff to one side. In truth though there just isn’t the room for it all in my head – which is part of the reason why I feel so out of sync at the moment. Your words make a lot of sense. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to pass this on – much appreciated
For me, “balance” sometimes means letting go of some of the stuff on my plate… Letting go of my expectations of myself, in particular–letting go of the “superwoman” mentality that has me thinking I can do EVERYTHING, and do it PERFECTLY… Maybe my key to sanity (if I can claim such an outrageous thing as sanity) is finding balance in which things I choose to let go from one day to the next…There are some days when I let go of my high expectations of myself with work or study, in favor of investing my day’s resources in Mommying… And (although it’s probably not P.C. to admit it) there are also days when that reverses. The hardest challenge in that was admitting to myself that I wasn’t going to handle EVERYTHING in EVERY day, and the second challenge is finding the balance in where I’ll direct my (limited) resources from one day to the next. For the most part it’s working out–my professional relationships are in good shape despite the times I’ve prioritized family over work, and the family still feels loved and cared for despite the times I’ve prioritized work over family… Not perfect, but functional.
Kana this is really helpful. I think I do have to think of my resources as limited somedays – however this may well change the next – and adjust accordingly. It’s just sometimes when you are in the thick of it it is more difficult to step back and get a measure on it. Thank you for stopping by and sharing this.
Everyone is different as well as their situations and circumstances, but here is what eventually worked for me when I returned to grad school while holding down a full time job and with three children, ages 7 to 15 at the time.
I eventually discovered that work, spending time with family and school did not work in that order of a typical day. I would be already tired from a full day of work (routine) and then dinner with homework and time with the kids (routine), so by the time I got to the studies (new material and unfamiliar things) I was exhausted. So after a month of stressing, I decided to switch the order of things. I changed my sleep pattern for two years.
What I did was wake up at 2 or 3 am instead, make a fresh pot of coffee, and do my studies first thing after waking up with a fresh mind. This gave me 4 to 5 hours of really quiet time in the home (everyone was asleep) after which I showered and went to work. I would then return home, catch a quick nap, eat dinner, and spend time with the children, doing their homework and getting some quality time. I would then retire to bed about 10 pm. Spending time with the children with their homework was not particularly challenging (certainly not like grad school) so doing it at the end of the day was not particularly taxing. After a good 4 to 5 hours of sleep, I would awake refreshed and ready to hit the books for study again.
It took some getting used to, but for me it made quite a difference, for I found I was a lot sharper in reading, analyzing, and writing if I did it after a good rest instead of fighting fatigue of a long day.
So there is something for you to consider at least.
Good luck!
Phil thank you for your take on things and I’m really interested in your shift that worked for you. Walking to work this morning I began to wonder whether what I needed was to schedule some early starts so that I could work while everyone slept. I know it is something that would make a difference and I don’t think I would have to do this every day, but a couple of days would help if I can manage it. Thanks for this
Jacqueline, you’ve already had some wonderful, wise advice. I’m not sure what to add or reiterate…
1. Having an understanding, supportive family is crucial–this is not for the rest of your life, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Everyone needs to keep that in mind.
2. I had certain “must do” activities with my family that weren’t negotiable in my mind. No matter where I was with my studies, I stopped for the half hour or hour or day and (it varied) and was 100% with them.
3. The same was true for my studies. I had certain “only study” times, and everyone knew it. I was 100% a student.
4. The times in between were the most frustrating. When I was studying and feeling guilty about my family obligations, I was ineffective at both (and vise versa).
5. I didn’t reserve any time for myself (but Alex was just a baby). That was a mistake. I would’ve been a more effective person in all realms of life if I had taken even one hour a day to do something I enjoyed. I didn’t and I should have. In the balancing act, we often forget the “performer” (ourselves).
The key for me was to remember that I choose this path, it wasn’t forever, and to be 100% invested in whatever you were doing (leave one role behind while you were in the other so that you could be maximally effective in that role).
These are wise words Lorna, thank you. Yes I am fortunate to have my family support me in this, but if I am unclear of what I’m doing when then I guess it blurs the edges for them too. I like the idea of ‘must do’ activities and ‘only study’ times. I can certainly work with that. I am, I know also very good in this balancing act of forgetting the performer. I’m going to reflect on that a bit more. Thank you for passing on your wisdom, it’s been really helpful.
Oh Jacqueline, this is the big one isn’t it? I am really, really bad at multitasking which is why I couldn’t attempt study when my children were younger. But even now and with a part time job I do sometimes struggle. I think I’m very much in agreement with Lorna above, actually. The only other little tip I have is that I find that when I am working on an assignment, I usually wake up with some really useful thoughts about it that have vanished by the time I’m downstairs boiling the kettle. So now I keep a notebook and pen by my bed and scribble them down as soon as I wake. Good luck!
Thank you Joanna. I’m very humbled that people have taken the time to leave such helpful advice. I like the notebook idea – I often waken with key thoughts about assignments. I’m certainly going to take that on board. Thank you
that’s a lot to be doing so don’t worry that you’re somehow not juggling things. The study sounds like something full of unavaoidable deadlines so you don’t have much room to move (I was going to write manoeueovre but wasn’t sure of the spelling, ho ho). I haven’t got any advice apart from some areas of life just happen (with the odd bit of prodding here and there) so go with the flow where you can and accept some things as slow burners.
Thanks for you comment Karl. I think you’ve hit on something here – not to get to caught on on not juggling! Thank you for stopping by.
So true!!! I know what you mean about thinking of your assignment until it’s gone!!!!
Yes Tamara they do kind of live with you don’t they. I think that’s a good thing though. It kind of helps my stress to know that it is there, never far from my mind, and at least that way I get a sense of any progress I’m making. There is nothing nicer than ‘feeling’ that kind of breakthrough moment.