An important little dash.

I was having breakfast this morning, just the usual stuff, eating toast, drinking coffee, the drifting sound of the radio in the background.  The conversation on the radio show came round to talking about a poem I’d never heard.  It’s called The Dash, by Linda Ellis.  Have you heard it?

Now don’t let this image put you off – stick with me, it will all become clear.  The dash is just that – that little line between the dates and it’s not the dates that matter it’s the dash in-between because it’s the dash that represents our life.  Wow did that make me think, because it’s true isn’t it. From the beginning to the end it’s the bit in between, the dash, that really matters.

Now before you think I’ve gone all morose on you stick with me on this one. I was thinking about this whist I walked to work this morning.  For some reason this poem took me back to a memory that had clearly lodged itself in the back of my head and has been hanging about there hidden for many years.   To tell you about it I have to take you back to my 15-year-old self.  

I’d not long returned to live in Scotland from South Africa where I was a pupil at a rather swanky boarding school.  We’d returned to the UK because my mum and dad were having another stab at separating, which as it turned out was an unsuccessful attempt, at least that’s how my 15-year-old self viewed it (years later, having come through separation and divorce myself I now see this period quite differently).  Let me tell you though if you think divorce is tough for kids to deal with try being a kid whose parents couldn’t make their minds up.  That sounds harsh, but remember it’s my 15-year-old memory talking here.  Anyhow as usual I digress.  So, there I was having come from the beautiful surroundings of a rather nifty public school to find myself in a rather run down, rough state school in Scotland.  To say it was a culture shock was an understatement.  I was the kid with a tan and freckles in the middle of a Scottish winter.  My clothes were different from everyone else and I had no idea how to connect with my peers. In fairness it didn’t take me too long to settle in and I even managed to acquire a couple of boyfriends along the way – which is no mean feat considering I had come from a girl’s boarding school and all of this was new to me (maybe it was the tan and the freckles eh!).  Anyhow as it transpired one of the big school catches, asked me out AND this meant he was taking me to the school dance, whoop, whoop!  All was well until the week before the school dance when a friend called on Sunday night to say that said boyfriend had two-timed me with Lesley, on of our group.  All I could think about was that I had to face everyone at school (who would all know by then) on the Monday morning.  Even I knew it would be the talk of the common room, which when you’re a 15-year-old is a pretty big deal.  Ouch!

Now it would be fair to say that said boyfriend and I were not what you would say a longstanding affair, but I certainly nipped a bit being shunned.  So, on Monday morning standing at the common room door gathering myself together.  Shoulders back I walked into the common room and seeing said boyfriend in the corner of my eye I walked straight over to my group of friends and turned to a rather sheepish looking Lesley.  Without even a quiver in my voice, I said that I had heard about what happened and that I didn’t think things should get in the way of friendships.  Immediately the tension of the situation began to dissipate and gradually people stopped looking at me and got back to their own chatting.  The situation passed.

So why tell this story?  Well in that one moment as a kid I discovered this inner resource, a wee light within me that I called on to light my way.  From a situation that I felt I had no control of I had taken it and turned it around for ME.  It was my defining moment and that light, or whatever you call it, has remained with me.  So, in this dash I think that our defining moments are not in fact necessarily defined by the big things, those big moments in our life, but more the little things that give you a glimpse into yourself, how you can choose to be, react and ultimately shape how people see you.

Said ex boyfriend and I never did speak about this incident.  He went to the dance with Lesley and I went with someone else.  Years later though our paths crossed and his adult self-confessed that my actions that day mighty impressed him (cue smug grin from 22 year old self )

So here’s the poem that dragged this little memory into my consciousness this morning. 

What are your defining moments – and how’s your dash looking today?