Why do I feel so close to the ground?

Today has been a hugely busy day.  I wrote my Burns Night post last night – I know that’s cheating, but hey it’s my blog and I forgive myself. Today however this is the first minute I have had to myself.  No time for lunch today, just ploughing on through it. As I write my posts when I stop to have a coffee I thought that is what I would do.

Here’s the thing.  Since last year I’ve been wearing varifocal glasses.  You know the deal, the strength of the lenses are graduated so that you can see when you look at something at a distance but you can also manage to read.  My glasses are set up so that the top bit of the lens is for distance, the middle bit is for computer work and the bottom half for reading.  The fact that I am able to function is quite amazing to me.

When I first got my glasses – of which I was advised by a cocky concerned optician (who I could swear was 12 year’s old) who, with great confidence, tried to console me in my shock of embarking on varifocals by saying, “I think when it’s my time I will get varifocals too”.  I could have punched him and said thank you but I would like a pair for reading, a pair for the computer and a pair for distance/driving. Please!

Anyhow I resigned myself to the fact that he was probably right and that the only real option was for me to have one pair that I wore all the time.  Anyhow I could always cheat and take them off when vanity took over, right?  No.  Actually I now put my glasses on in the morning before I am even out of bed and turned on the light.  I don’t even take them off at night.  This has become my husband’s task.  I take myself off to bed early to catch up on reading and so he usually finds me with my book having flopped on my face and my glasses still on.  He’s good though, he knows the drill.  Take the book off me (making sure not to lose my place) and take my glasses off.  OK it’s not very attractive, but he loves me anyway.

This is probably a far more attractive sight than the one that awaits my husband of an evening

When I first went to pick up my glasses they told me that it might take a while to adjust to them.  I tried them on, had a look around, proved to them I could read and then they let me go – off into the world with my varifocals.  I was fine.  At least I was until I stepped out of the opticians. You see what they don’t tell you is that when you start wearing varifocals you feel as though you’re about 10 feet tall.  So there I was walking like a giraffe along the street, dipping my head in case I took my eye out with the street lighting that lined my way.  OK I’ve come a long way since then, but what I discovered this morning took me quite by surprise.

OK just give me a minute, I'll find my bearings

OK so we’ve established that I never take my glasses off.  However walking to work this morning the rain was pelting down and I couldn’t see, so I thought I would take them off.  I would be fine.

Now I should point out that I’m not tall.  I manage to just manage to hit 5ft 2 as long as I really straighten my back, however as I walked this morning, minus my glasses I suddenly realised I was very close to the ground. Actually I was 5ft 2 inches away from the ground.

It seems that wearing varifocals has not only helped me see properly but given me this false sense of security that I am actually a tall person – which I have to say is rather nice.

So walking to work today, because my car is out of action due to the fact that said car and I spectacularly skidded in the ice and landed on the kerb with a huge thwump last Friday made me realise that I can’t go back.  I am now in varifocals forever.  I may as well say goodbye to the days when I can toss off my glasses and allow my vanity to take over.  Anyway why would I want to?  I’d much rather see properly and live with the delusion that I am actually 10ft tall.

Warning:  If you are a varifocal wearer and you want to try this experiment please do not attempt this without a trained adult who can stifle a laugh at the funny way you’re walking long enough to help you up.