Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.
OK I’m a mature student. I’ve got my head screwed on and I’m a pretty resourceful lady – but there are some things in life that still baffle me.
- What exactly is the best thing before sliced bread?
- Why are bathrooms in petrol stations always locked?
- Why is there an expiration date on soured cream?
- When do 24 hour cafe’s start serving soup of the day?
These things ran through my head as I made my second attempt of the week to engage with social services. It seems that in my search for answers about how the ‘system’ is doing with our request for additional care for my mother in law I will probably answer the above LONG before I find out.
OK this one's easy - THIS is better than sliced bread
The thing is though I don’t really care when the 24 hour cafe serves soup of the day, or why bathrooms in petrol stations are locked but I do care about securing additional care for my mother in law and the fact that this system is, well not much of a system.
At the moment their tactic of choice is to give me the run around. I am passed from one person to the next. Nobody takes responsibility. I am helpfully advised that my concerns will be flagged up to their manager who will call me back. They never do.
So here I am again with my polite tone of voice and my thick skin, attempting to chip away at the system. What they don’t realise is that this carer is quite prepared to use the biggest pick axe she can find. I am, as they say, one determined lady.
Good Morning, may I speak to the manager please.
I’m determined on two counts. One, my mother in law needs and deserves additional care to make sure she’s safe and to maintain her independence. Secondly, and just as important, carers are not a renewable resource.
I know lots of carers who just give up because they lose faith. Fighting the system just becomes one extra thing for them to do. Many carers experience burn out and in truth sometimes, in this crazy system, carers struggle to identify what they need in place to make things better. Even if it were available.
I’m studying Health and Social Care. I know and understand the system both on paper and in reality. Yet I find it difficult.
On my desktop I have a page that I open before I call social services. This powerful reminder fuels me on and gives me the determination I need to keep going, to be polite yet firm. This is what it says….
- Unpaid carers save the government £119 billion per year.
- Between us Peter and I provide care that equates personally to a saving of £157,680 annually for the government.
- Stick with it girl – because we’re worth it!
So here’s to all the carers out there sticking with it. Changing their worlds, one phone call at a time. 
Oh just had a call back from social services with AN APOLOGY that we’ve had such a long wait (6 months) and that our case is being allocated to a social worker who will contact us later this week, beginning of next. I love it when a plan comes together 
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Fingers crossed something actually happens………..!!
And by the way Why is the expiry date on my tub of Bicarb of Soda 2115 at 20:30 hrs – should I leave it in my will to be passed down generation to generation until this special day arrives so that someone in the future can find out what happens at the given moment?
Hee, hee. I can probably go one better. There is sure to be one in my cupboard that’s expired. My husband found a tin the other day dated 2009 = bad housewife
My husband is a bit of a genius at getting people to listen – he is just so tenacious – smilingly, endlessly, tenacious – eventually hospitals, government officials etc decide it is just easier to just deal with him and get rid of him. I am crankier and have been known to be sarcastic and ‘turn on my heel’ (I can see why they made it a phrase) on more than one occasion when dealing with the powers that be vis a vis my elderly, crazy and needy parents. My system has it’s merits only very occasionally.
My husband’s system is much more effective (he’s a patient man, they have no hope of out waiting him). You sound like you are using his method. I am very confident that you will succeed. If not you can always chain yourself to something – I’ll come and bring you tea. Or we can just stalk off in clouds of righteous indignation – I’m pretty good at that as well. I’ll teach you my patented heel-turn – which is easy for Celtic women like us. That’ll show ‘em.
Good luck and congratulations on the acquisition of a social worker – they tend to be the best to have an overview in fairness.
Oh Patricia bless you for making me laugh. If I do have to go down the chaining myself to railings route I’m pleased to know that I can count on you. Milk and no sugar would be wonderful. Thank you so much for making me laugh out loud today
I needed it.
Hang in there – it’s your bejewelled cape…Jane x
Thank you Jane. Trying really hard to stick with it. The pants over the tights tip works – even if you do get some funny looks
It’s gotta be your best pants…only the best will do. Right lunch break over here back to upholstering! You’re doing good you know…you’ll get that breakthrough..J x
Love your rhetorical questions in the beginning. I often get in trouble when I over-think things…
As for the amount of money family members save the government by caring for their loved ones, you make such an important point. This is valuable yet undervalued work in nearly every society. We never include these figures into national budgets, but should because the next generations can’t be counted on to do what you’re doing!
My son told me to start scoping out nursing homes…
I think Alex maybe just appreciates that he has the kind of mum who is an independent lady
It could be worse, he could be picking out one for you 
you always make me think. I love your posts. x
Thank you Lynda. I have quite a few other students who are also carers who visit my blog. I think it is important to reflect on the caring part of my life and all i’s challenges.
When I read accounts like yours it always makes me wonder what it must be like for other caregivers to seek help–those who don’t know how the system works nor how they should work the system. Your mother-in-law is lucky to have you. Hang in there and keep going with the pick axe.
I like the term caregivers – I think it sums things up more than the term carers Pat. Yes the system is certainly a challenge and I know many who are struggling to find their way through it. In my work I liaise with and help lots of people navigate the system – so there is great reward in that. The only thing is I often feel like I am fighting it on all fronts. I might have to loan my pick axe out
I think you are an inspiration. A dear friend of mine cared for her mother for most of her life and I have always been privileged to share her stories, strength, battles and advice for navigating hospitals and other fun systems. I just hope you have days when you get some ‘Jacqueline time’